Shineh Moon on Blogger

 When people face a new challenge, some dive in recklessly. Some are fearful, tiptoeing step by step. I think I was the latter. When I was a child, my greatest aspiration (other than contributing to world peace) was to create a loving family: A warm haven for my kids. A safe place. So the moment my firstborn was in my arms, I blindly jumped into motherhood. I wasn’t prepared for the pain and joy of it all. Thrust into a mission where I had no choice but to do or die, I raced with all my heart. He was lovely. When I stared at my baby’s face while he was asleep, my worries would (temporarily) vanish. When he lay in my arms I’d feel exalted and small at the same time. What did I do to deserve this wellspring of unconditional love? What did I do to deserve this beautiful human? It was beyond description at times. Yet the exhaustion and the being pushed to the limit also engulfed me. I had a sensitive nose.. and everyday I was faced with his poo. Overtime I got desensitized to it but th...

I thought about what qualities I admire in an individual. I think it comes down to them having a sense of accountability and being a good person even behind closed doors. Everyone makes mistakes but when one is unable to admit it, they cannot grow or change. I found a newfound respect would form within me towards them people they take accountability for their own mistakes instead of blaming others. I had a situation where someone deeply damaged me. Although the damage from the actual actions themselves also caused trauma, having the family of that person create false narratives in order to scapegoat me to protect their own kid, and justify their abuse was even more painful. The emotional damage from how they twisted the truth to cover up what they did was greater than the pain I felt from the abuses. If they sincerely apologized and changed I would have forgiven them but for them to deny the truth of what happened made me feel crazy or gaslighted.. They were the ones that caused the pa...